NLP: Beliefs, Congruency & Behavior

Sid Jacobson

Part 3

Note: This originally appeared as a three-part series, in Alternatives (a local New Orleans paper), in the March, April and May, 1991 issues. It has been preserved here in the same three-part format.

In the last two issues we've looked over some of the basic presuppositions, beliefs if you will, of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. These are presented along with some questions to evaluate yourself. You may want to review those last two issues, to remind yourself of the broad changes you can make, now. Here, in our final installment, are some of the most far reaching of these basic beliefs. Ones that will help you decide who you really are, and who you want to be.

The law of requisite variety: The part of any system with the most options in its behavior will be the part that is in control of the system.

Flexibility = options = control. Simple. This goes along nicely with the next one, as well.

A change agent (communicator, everyone) needs three characteristics:

1. Flexibility of behavior to elicit any response.

2. The sensory acuity to notice the response(s) to that behavior.

3. The good judgement to know whether the responses are worthwhile eliciting in the first place.

Many problems are the result of repeatedly doing the same things, over and over, whether they work or not. The old saying, "if at first you don't succeed, try try again" needs to have more added to it. Perhaps, "try try again, in a new and different way." Flexibility. Also, especially when trying something new, you have to pay close attention to see the results. This goes for people and things. Finally, you need to keep in mind that just because you can get something done, doesn't make it a good idea. It needs to be considered in relationship to all the other things that it can effect.

Questions:

1. When have you realized that, though you were trying your best, you were doing something that, fundamentally, wasn't going to work? How did you adjust your actions?

2. Have you ever had the opportunity to be "tested" by life in a way that demanded extreme flexibility on your part? Did it make you better able to handle difficulties creatively?

3. If you had to "let go" of one overly rigid thinking pattern or behavior, today, which one would it be?

4. When was the last time you stopped something that seemed to be working just fine, simply to question your own judgment and motives about whether it was really worthwhile?

Resistance is a sign that:

1. Rapport has not been effectively established or maintained.

2. Objections have not been properly considered and addressed.

People often complain that others don't, or won't go along with their ideas. These are the two reasons. You have to establish rapport, usually just to get people to pay attention to your ideas, much less agree to them or carry them out. Also, you have to be willing to listen to, respect, and respond to the concerns of other people who you are involved with. Trust and respect should go both ways.

Questions:

1. Have you ever had a great idea, but been so eager to tell others about it that you "bowled them over" in your excitement? How did you repair the loss of rapport, and try again, in a more respectful way?

2. Has anyone ever done something that adversely affected their relationship with you? How did you make the decision to patch things up, even if it wasn't really your responsibility, because the relationship was more important than petty one-upmanship?

3. When presenting ideas or plans to someone, how much time do you give them to voice all of their concerns and objections? Do you then treat that person with the respect they deserve, and take the time to answer them?

4. If you automatically remembered to consider the relationship aspects of all your interactions with other people, in how many ways would your life, and the lives of others, improve?

There is no such thing as a dangerous or unethical process or technique, only dangerous and unethical users (people). It is up to us to know the difference and act accordingly.

Influencing others is neither good nor bad. You must decide that what you're doing has a purpose that is worthwhile. "Influence" can't decide that, you have to. If your intentions include a good and worthwhile outcome for everyone involved, it would be silly, and could even be harmful, not to use your abilities to influence.

Questions:

1. When has there been a time that you have used some advantage, or influence, over someone, that was TRULY in that person's best interest?

2. Have you ever been afraid of, or concerned by, some new, very powerful, information or technology? Have you vowed to use it only for the best of reasons, and in the best way you know how?

3. Have you ever stopped to think of all the marvelous, but potentially destructive, tools we have around us, even in our daily lives? Do you operate all of them with an attitude of

respect and appreciation?

4. If you were to insure that you could use all of your knowledge to make your life, and those around you, the most enjoyable and worthwhile it could be, what changes might you need to make?

If it is possible in the world, it is possible for anyone. It is only a question of how.

If you believe you are very limited in your abilities you will act as if those limitations are real. They're not. Act as if you can do anything others can do, and it will motivate you to find out HOW they do what they do. Then you can to. Ultimately,

that is what NLP, or being successful in your endeavors, is all about.

Questions:

1. When was the last time you really impressed yourself?

2. How would you go about learning something, now, that you have always wanted to, but avoided or made excuses about?

3. Is there someone in your life who needs to be reminded that we are all capable of just about anything worth achieving? Is there anything stopping you from reminding that person NOW?

4. If you actually behaved as if you could achieve anything you wanted to, how would you be different? When?

I hope you've enjoyed looking over this list of basic beliefs about life. I know this exercise was worthwhile for me. It wouldn't hurt to be reminded of some of these things on a regular basis. Little signs on the bathroom mirror, perhaps. I wonder how many additions you could make to the above list? I wouldn't want to suggest that you share them with anyone, unless you think it might help them. If you've already found yourself changing the way you operate, just in thinking about this list of presuppositions, and answering the questions, great. If not, you're in luck; you soon will.

Copyright © 1999-2002 Sid Jacobson,Ph.D. All Rights Reserved